Therapy, addiction, and codependency…why they are important to me:

I grew up in middle America where addiction to alcohol was normalized. I asked my dad recently how his father’s dying from alcoholism affected him and he said, “It didn’t, it was normal.” Since attending graduate school, I have become aware of just how dysfunctional “midwest normal” is. People in my family were unaware of the way we tiptoed around the alcoholics in our life. I didn’t know that the way I interacted with everyone was a direct result of the environment I was raised in. I thought I was supposed to be responsible for people that weren’t. I didn’t understand that in fixing things for other people I was creating resentment and animosity. I thought I had the answer’s for everyone else’s problems.

I married into the military and in time I learned that, as in the midwest, it was normal to abuse alcohol. Alcohol was the way to cope with the stresses of overworking and the aftermath of war. It was more normal to have a hangover than it was to tell someone you didn’t drink. I mentored spouses whose military member was at risk of being dishonorably discharged because their addiction to alcohol had gotten out of hand. I also spoke with many who kept secrets about addiction. As long as things looked good on the outside, there was no reason to talk about how hard life was, and in the military, life is challenging.

I utilized therapy for many years when my husband was in the Air Force. I needed a place to be heard and validated. I needed to know that I was not the crazy one and that this way of living was hard. I needed a therapist to tell me I was right whenever my marriage hit a rough spot. I got all those things, but looking back, I wish I would’ve had one person tell me that I needed to accept that I was part of the problem. Reading self help books and attending therapy were not going to solve my problems if I didn’t stop looking at myself as a victim. I was extremely codependent and despite knowing it, I had no idea how to unlearn the patterns that were entrenched in me since childhood.

Al Anon helped me break free of my ways of thinking. I learned to take responsibility for my own life instead of spending my time fixing and taking responsibility for everyone else’s. I learned healthier ways of coping and found new direction. In graduate school, I learned how to professionally support clients in their recovery from codependency. I am passionate about being the voice I didn’t have during the times I struggled. I understand what it’s like to be doing everything you know of to help others and feeling depleted, empty, and out of control because of it.

The joy and serenity I’ve found when I decided to face reality are feelings I didn’t expect to be have. I am a successful work in progress because I stumbled on the knowledge I needed to change my life. I test the strength of that knowledge daily and I’m never let down. As a therapist, I hope to use what I’ve learned when I listen and hold space for my clients as they stumble, struggle, and succeed in changing their lives.

I want you to find the perfect therapist for you. I hope you are able to embark on a journey with therapy that helps your achieve your goals. I believe I can help those who struggle with another’s addiction and codependency because I’ve lived through it myself. Call for a free consultation to see if we are a good fit. If we aren’t, I will do all I can to help you find someone who is.